The Harder Truth
by MentalMeander
Summary: After The Girl in the Fireplace, the Doctor explains to an upset Rose why he left her behind. Ten/Rose


**A/N: Hullo! So this is the obligatory angsty post-Gitf fic, only with a bit of a twist. But it's a good twist. I think. Oh, and sorry to anyone who got confused by me posting this more than once. When I first posted it I realized I'd accidentally left in a few bits I didn't want, and then I just decided to polish it up while I still had the chance. Anyway, it's here now, (for good, I hope) so please tell me what you think, and enjoy! Thanks!**

Pairing: Ten/Rose

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_Some things are worth getting your heart broken for_.

The only problem was, Rose hadn't expected that her heart would be broken the very next day.

He'd left her.

Sure, he'd come back, all smiles and hugs, but that didn't make up for the five and half hours she'd spent in that dark spaceship, staring at the time window he'd broken through as tears built up behind her eyes. She knows that when he crashed through that window, he knew he wasn't coming back.

Somewhere in the back of her head it registers that she'll never be able to enjoy the smell of a Sunday roast again, but she doesn't care.

She'd fought the tears, too proud to cry in front of Mickey; she'd done the same thing to him more than a year ago. Even longer for him.

It just didn't make sense. After everything they'd been through; slitheen, gas mask zombies, daleks, all those memories of eating chips and holding hands and hopping for their lives, and the Doctor had taken one look at a French courtesan and left her. A woman who was prettier than Rose. Who was elegant and clever, and probably wouldn't have run off a twenty year old musician if she was given the chance.

Rose sighed and rolled over in bed, wiping away yet another tear from her cheek. Five and a half hours of forcing herself to stay dry eyed had taken their toll, and the moment she'd reached her room she'd collapsed on her bed in tears. She felt stupid, like a teenager crying over a boy, but this wasn't just any boy; it was the Doctor. And she wasn't suffering from a small crush. No, Rose was completely in love with him. And until today she'd thought he loved her.

She couldn't sleep. Not with all these thoughts running through her head. She got out of bed and tiptoed into the hallway. Mickey was asleep, and the Doctor would either be in bed or tinkering in the console room, so no one would notice if she slipped into the kitchen for a cup of tea. More importantly, they wouldn't notice her puffy eyes, a telltale sign she'd been crying.

But when she got to the kitchen, she didn't enter. The Doctor sat at the table, staring straight ahead, obviously deep in thought. Rose stopped at the doorway. Should she disturb him? She really didn't feel like explaining why she'd been crying, but maybe she could pass her appearance off as lack of sleep.

She took another look at him, and a sudden thought hit her; he was upset. He'd just lost someone he lo...cared about a lot, and she could see that his heart was broken. He'd pushed her away earlier with that "I'm always alright" rubbish, but what if he really needed someone to talk to? And Mickey wasn't exactly going to have a heart to heart with the Time Lord, so that left her.

Swallowing her nervousness, Rose planted a friendly smile on her face, and walked into the room. "Hey," she said softly.

The Doctor turned around, and smiled back at her. "Hullo!" he replied in his usual, cheerful manner. But she could tell something wasn't right. His tone sounded forced, and the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "Thought you'd be in bed."

"Couldn't sleep." Rose walked to the cupboard before he could properly take in her appearance. "I was gonna make a cup of tea, want one?"

When there was no reply, she turned around to see what had happened to him and froze. The Doctor had left his seat, and was now standing far closer than considered comfortable, eyes filled with concern. "You've been crying."

Okay, maybe her wonderful haven't-been-sleeping plan wouldn't work, since he could tell she was upset from one glance at her. "No I haven't." she replied a bit too quickly.

There was a pause, and the Doctor gave her a doubtful look. "Yes you have."

Rose managed to stare him down for a moments before muttering good night and nervously pushing past him to leave.

The Doctor grabbed her hand and gently spun her round to face him, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Rose," he said softly, yet firmly. "What's wrong?" His deep brown eyes bored into hers, and she look away quickly.

Rose felt her lips tremble, and tried not to remember the day's events. "Nothing." she mumbled, not wanting him to hear the tremor in her voice and realize she was still close to tears. "I just haven't b-been sleeping w-well." She could feel heavy tears in her eyes, and she swore mentally as she tried helplessly to blink them back. She'd thought she'd used up all her tears earlier. A soft sob escaped her, and she clasped a hand over her mouth in embarrassment. No...she didn't want...she couldn't cry now, not in front of _him_.

But it was too late; tears were running down her cheeks and she was trembling uncontrollably. She stared at the floor, unable to look him in the eye, afraid he'd only patronize her for being so childish.

"Oh Rose..." the Doctor whispered, and pulled her forward into a comforting hug, one hand resting gently on the back of her head while the other rubbed circles on her back.

Rose sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder as he cradled her, sinking deep in the relief of having someone to comfort her. They'd hugged lots before, whenever they were reunited, when they made up after a fight, or even when they were both feeling extremely happy, but this was the first time he'd ever actually held her. Comforted her. And it just felt so...right. Like everything before had just been a bad dream that her best friend would chase away for her.

But it wasn't a bad dream. No...what was hurting her wasn't some monster or alien. It was him. He was the reason she'd held back from tears for five and a half hours. The reason she'd been crying in her bed all night. Her tears turned to furious sobs as anger welled up inside of her.

"No!" Rose choked out, and pushed the Doctor away. She reached up and rubbed her cheeks, trying desperately to stop crying, her chest still heaving with muffled sobs. He stared at her in shock, and reached out to try and calm her.

"Rose..."

"You left me!"

There was a moment of silence as her accusation hung in the air, and she realized that she was entering forbidden territory. But she couldn't stop now, not any more than she could stop the breaking of her heart, or the anger that poured out of her, forcing her to carry on.

"You _promised_!"she nearly yelled. "You promised I could stay with you forever and than you left me for someone you'd just met! And I get it! I get that I'm not as pretty as her, or half as clever, but I-I thought after everything we'd been through, I'd mean something to you, but you just went and threw me aside like I was some sort of spare part, and you made me feel like nothing, Doctor, I was _nothing_!"

She stood there, breathing heavily with tears still running down her cheeks for a few moments while the Doctor stared back at her still in shock. Then, she realized what she'd just said to him. They'd never crossed this line before, always held hands and hugged, but neither of them had ever addressed their relationship like this. It also dawned on her that she was completely exhausted, already tired from crying all night, and shouting at him had used up what little energy she'd had left.

Fatigued, Rose fell into one of the kitchen chairs and put rested head in her hands, not able to look at him. Not able to watch as he left, and danced around the subject tomorrow like it had never happened. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I shouldn't have shouted...I...." but she stopped talking when she heard light footsteps coming towards her, and she saw a pair of white converse appear between her fingers. They were quickly followed by two pinstriped knees as he crouched down to her level. Finally, his face appeared, full of hurt, pity, and sorrow.

The Doctor swallowed nervously and pulled on his ear. "I think I owe you an explanation." When Rose nodded numbly, he gave a sad smile, and pulled out a chair beside her and sat down.

"I'm sorry." he began. "I shouldn't have just left you there, I know. It was unfair and stupid of me, and I'll admit that while I was trying to save Reinette, I wasn't thinking of you or Mickey."

Rose opened her mouth angrily, but the Doctor interrupted her. "No, no, no, no, you've done enough talking for now, this is my turn. Just...just let me continue. Please." She stared into his pleading eyes, closed her mouth, and nodded. There was a short silence, and she could see in his eyes that what he was about to tell her was difficult for him.

"When you were following the robots, I looked into Reinette's mind."

Rose remembered to keep her mouth shut, but gave him a confused look.

"My people were telepathic." he explained, and Rose fought the urge to reach over and take his hand as his eyes filled with sadness, remembering that she was still angry with him. "And scanning her mind would be the only way to figure out what those robots wanted with her. But when I entered her mind she...well, she managed to sort of...reverse the process. Saw into my thought, my memories, everything." He shook his head. "No normal human could manage that Rose. Not you, or Mickey, or...well definitely not Mickey." He gave her a cheeky grin, trying to lighten the mood.

Rose didn't smile back. "So she was clever then." she replied, instantly regretting the bitter edge to her voice.

"No." he replied. "It was more than that." he sighed and leaned forward. "Rose, I didn't just scan her mind to figure out why they wanted her. The moment I first saw her I suspected...and reading her mind was the only way to see if I was right."

"Right about what?"

He paused, and looked away and Rose got the feeling he didn't want to talk about this. When he looked back at her, his eyes were pained and sorrowful.

"Reinette was a Time Lady."

Rose stared at him, shocked. "But, but I thought..."

"Not completely, of course." he continued. "Somewhere, far back in her family tree there must have been a Time Lord; maybe her great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, maybe even further. It was just a fraction of her DNA, but...I could sense it the moment I saw her. And I couldn't help myself. Just the possibility of there being someone else, that I wouldn't be the only one left..."

He trailed off, obviously deep in thought at he stared into space, and Rose whispered, "Did you love her?"

He snapped back to reality. "No," he replied softly. "I loved what she was. From the moment her mind touched mine; I hadn't felt telepathy in such a long time and it was just...the possibility of having someone like me. But no, I didn't love _her_."

Rose felt the tears welling up in her eyes, and couldn't help but ask the next question, even though it hurt so much to say.

"B-but she loved you."

He didn't reply, just nodded sadly.

They sat in silence for a few seconds, and then Rose finally reached out and laid her hand over his. "I'm sorry." she whispered.

"What for?"

"That you lost her."

He smiled bitterly. "Maybe it was better that way. If she'd come along, I would have expected so much of her. I would've expected her to be like me, even though she was mostly human. She would have eventually died, and I would have just been disappointed."

Rose just nodded, a few tears running silently down her cheeks as her heart broke for her lonely angel, and for the woman who must have spent her whole life waiting for a man who would never love her back.

Finally, the Doctor looked at her and smiled cheerfully. "Come one then, bed." He stood up, and their linked hands caused her to follow.

"I don't want to." Rose interrupted. And she didn't. She couldn't leave him like this. Even though he was now smiling, she knew him well enough to know that he was in pain, and she couldn't leave him, not tonight.

They stood there for a moment, as his brown eyes stared into hers, taking in her determination and stubbornness, and she saw something in him give in. He gave a grin. "Oh, alright then."

He led her down the hall until they reached the control room, where he managed to produced a blanket and some pillows from who-knows-where. She gave a thankful smile as she lay down next to the control console, watching sleepily as he tinkered. The floor buzzed beneath her, warm and so alive, as if the Tardis thought she belonged there with the Doctor. As if she was meant to be there forever.

"Doctor?" she mumbled.

"Mhmm?"

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"That I could stay with you for the rest of my life."

The Doctor put down what he was working on and looked down at where she lay. "Rose, when I met you I was broken, and hurt from what I'd been through, and I needed someone to help me get through the pain I was in. With Sarah Jane I left her because I knew I was reaching the point where I wouldn't be able to let her go. The truth, Rose Tyler, is that with you I passed that point a long time ago, back when I needed somebody to help make me better."

Rose smiled, touched by what he'd said. "Well good, cause you're not getting rid of me that easily."

He smiled back, and reached over to give her hand a squeeze. "Quite right too." They grinned at each other for a few seconds, until Rose couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, and they slid shut as she drifted off to sleep, her smile still playing along her lips as she dreamed.

The Doctor returned to his work, his own grin still in place as he tinkered.

For the first time in a long while, he really was alright.

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**Thanks for reading, and remember; reviews make the world go round. :)**


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